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Zappa Frank Joes Garage Act I Scene Four: Crew Slut ----- ---- ---- ---- Backstage at the local Armory, Mary, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P.A. System. Larry: Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these Industrial towns I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired Of all the local clowns They never give you no respect They never treat you nice So perhaps you oughta try A little friendly advice And be a CREW SLUT *Hey, you'll love it* Be a CREW SLUT *It's a way of life* Be a CREW SLUT *See the world* *Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus* CREW SLUT *Add water makes its own sauce* Be a CREW SLUT *So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite* *The boys in the crew* *Are just waiting for you* You never to get move around You never go nowhere I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired Of all the guys out there You always wondered what it's like To go from place to place So, darlin', take a little ride On the mixer's face Be a CREW SLUT *Just follow the magic footprints* Be a CREW SLUT *Hey, you'll love it!* Be a CREW SLUT *It's a way of life* *I ain't gonna squash it* *And you don't need to wash it!* CREW SLUT *Hey, I'll buy you a pizza* CREW SLUT *Of course I'll introduce you to Warren* *The boys in the crew* *Are only waiting for you* At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing... Larry: Well you been to Alabama, girl, 'N' Georgia too 'N' all the boys in the crew Is bein' good to you I know yer sayin' to yourself *'This is the way to go'* 'Cause when you need a little extra They will give you some mo' `Cause you're the CREW SLUT Mary: Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather... Larry: *That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...* Mary: *And rubber...* Larry: *Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing* *With a hair dryer...* Road Crew Chorus: Trade your spot on the bench For a guy with a wrench And be a... Mary: *Ha ha ha...* Larry: *You like that, huh?* *I told you you'd love it...* *It's a way of life!* Road Crew Chorus: The guys in the crew Have got a present for you! Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Mary: *A present for me?* Road Crew Chorus: Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Larry: *Hmmm, we got a present for you!* Road Crew Chorus: Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Mary: *Whaddya got?* Road Crew Chorus: Ren nah naaah Mary: *Whaddya gonna give me?* Road Crew Chorus: Ren nah naaah Ren nah naaah Larry: It looks just like a Telefunken U-47 You'll love it... Mary: With Leather? Central Scrutinizer: Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again... And so Mary was enticed away from Joe By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket Lured into a life of SLEAZERY With the entire road crew of some Famous Rock Group (I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not...I don't know... I'll check it out) Again we see MUSIC Causing BIG TROUBLE! |
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