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Breckman Andy Miscellaneous Railroad Bill Railroad Bill by Andy Brickman Now Railroad Bill was a hard living man He used to take his women two at a time And everyone agreed he was the badest engineer That ever driven down the Santa Fe line His name was known from the folks back home To the tippy top of telegraph hill And all the little boys when they were sneaking cigarettes They used to dream about the Railroad Bill Well one day Bill was walking along And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder To set that kitty cat free Bill said no, ain't gonna do it Ain't gonna climb up no tree This is a stupid stupid song and no folk singer Gonna make a fool outa me I said one day Bill was walking along And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder To set that kitty cat free Bill said no, ain't gonna do it Ain't gonna do what you said This is a stupid stupid song and as far as I'm concerned That cat can stay there till it's dead I said wait a minute Bill, you can't argue with me For God's sake I just made you up I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree I want that cat unstuck Bill said no, I hate cats ain't gonna climb for no cat He said why don'tyou have me save a beautiful girl Who's been tied down to the railroad tracks? I said mayb% there'll be room in the 8th or 9th verse But right now I want you up in that tree I'm the writer, God Damn, I got the pen in my hand And you'e suposed to listen to me He said you asshole!! Why should I listen to you, you should be listening to me instead He said I'm a railroad man and if I was real I'd seperate your face from your head You ungreatful brute, I cried, you pushed me too far I gotta show you I can do as I please So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees And then a tidal wave broke and everything got soaked Bill was almost compleatly washed away And then a big green monster from the planet Neptune landed An bit Railroad Bill on the leg I got the pen in my hand! I can do what I want I'm a bright new young talent on the rise So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't gonna Get out of my folk song alive He said you don't scare me You might be funny, but you don't scare me And if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna tell everybody Where you stole this melody But before he could speak, his tongue fell out And he could not make a sound Suddenly he jumped on top of me and grabbed me by the neck And pulled me to the ground And he hit me in the stomach And he hit me in the face real hard I think he almost broke my nose Just then a lightning bolt came outa nowhere Hit him right between the eyes and killed him instantly The cat came down from the tree, had a bowl of warm milk Went to sleep for the night Railraod Bill is survived by a wife and three kids Dear God, I love to write... |
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